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An Aflac commercial came on. Then I had to explain what insurance is and how it works.

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I had planned to blog about it sooner, but I have been doing laundry and grocery shopping constantly since. This post is devoted to me sharing a few travel tips to help you, my devoted six fans, on your next vacation.

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Gourmet cupcakes are gross. Yes, even at famous cupcake places. My daughter and I both agreed that the Walmart bakery makes the best. People are assholes — see the best picture at the very end I got at the John Lennon memorial. Always always always have something for your kid to barf in. Picture this — mother and daughter get up at 3: Once on the plane, mother dozes off and briefly gets a reprieve from the stress of packing, logistics, keeping a ten-year-old moving in the right Girl needs sex in Madison Wisconsin and general sucking the fun out of life.

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The seatbelt light goes on and the flight attendants take their spots in Horny housewives in maldon plane. A little bumpity bump…a little more bumpity bump…but still able to drift in and out of consciousness.

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This mother, yes me, wakes the fuck up and starts searching for a barf bag. Not one fucking barf bag in row Second explosion…this time, since I am sitting up, thereby giving the explosion a place to land, it gets in my hair, on my jacket, on my backpack and jeans. By this time, a sympathetic mother in row 11, hands me a barf bag from her row. Also, by this time, the worst was over. We dug out the few crumpled and used tissues from our jackets and wiped up her face and then sat for the next Girl needs sex in Madison Wisconsin minutes while the plane landed and taxied in.

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Finally, we got up and made a run for it. On the way out, I causally suggested to the attendant that she clean up on Row 10 and possibly restock the barf bags in all rows.

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We made it to the first bathroom and did a little clean up. Then, we limped to baggage claim, got our luggage and did a complete outfit change in the restroom. Truthfully, I should know better.

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It only took me 10 years to learn this life lesson. I recently finished a book where the character maintained a Stupid Words List. And since I am feeling a little bitchy today, I decided to write my own version.

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